Relationship Rescue - Gossip

Relationship Rescue - Gossip
By Michelle Enis Vasquez

When you and your partner are in the middle of an ongoing conflict, what do you do? Do the two of you sit down calmly and discuss how you can create a workable solution? If you are in an ongoing conflict, probably not. Do you turn to friends to rant and rave about how awful your partner is? If you do this, you are destroying your chances of rebuilding intimacy with your partner. Both men and women engage in this destructive practice of gossip, though women tend to be more likely to do it, since we are the ones who want to talk through things with others.

How does gossip harm your relationship?

• It only tells one side of the story: yours
• Your side of the story is always biased in your favor
• It allows you to get false validation from your friends that you are the victim and your partner is the lowdown dirty scum
• It gives you more ammunition to continue the conflict, keeping your anger level high with a little help from your friends
• Using your friends as amateur therapists only complicates your relationship with your partner
• It keeps you from reconnecting with your partner to figure out how to resolve your conflict
• When you and your partner do make up, which is what usually happens (at least in the beginning), your friends get angry at you for staying together

Is it gossip if you talk to people in online forums, chat rooms, or social media? You bet it is. Even if you only have an online relationship with these “friends” you are still gossiping when you present your side of the story about a conflict with your online buddies. Both gossip with a live group of people and online gossip are betrayals to your relationship. Yes, when you speak maliciously about the one you say you love, you are betraying your partner and your relationship.

If you recognize that gossip is harming your relationship and want to do something different, what can you do? Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Start by admitting that gossip is harmful to your relationship
• Make a decision right now to stop talking badly about your partner to others, both in person and online
• Talk with your partner about making an agreement to learn some conflict resolution skills
• Decide who will investigate where you can take some classes, workshops, marriage retreats, or even individual coaching to improve your communication skills and help you reconnect
• Once you have found the program you want to take, sign up and go to it. It is too easy to talk yourselves out of it once you are calmer. Follow through with for the benefit of your relationship!

Relationship coaching may be just what the doctor ordered to get rid of the destructive habit of gossip. I invite you to get my free report, “Want to Improve your Marriage? Get Rid of These Seven Deadly Habits” at http://trueloverelationshipcoaching.com. Scroll down on the right hand side and you’ll find it there. Also, check out http://truelovesavemarriage.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michelle_Enis_Vasquez

http://EzineArticles.com/?Relationship-Rescue—Gossip&id=4407895