Love After Loss - Mixed Feelings About Dating

Love After Loss - Mixed Feelings About Dating
By Michelle Enis Vasquez

You are a young widow with a normal, healthy need for adult, male companionship. You have lost someone dear to you. When you first experienced this loss, you probably had no thoughts about being intimate with another man. Your thoughts were focused on the one you lost and how you wanted him back in your life. You only wanted his arms to hold you and protect you from the pain you felt from losing him.

After a while those normal, healthy needs and desires come back. As time goes on, the excruciating pain of loss becomes a constant dull ache. You are once again reminded of your human needs. Along with the desires of the flesh comes mixed feelings, such as:

• I feel guilty that I have desires to be intimate with a man.
• I feel like dating someone new would be a betrayal to my beloved.
• Kissing someone new would be impossible.
• How could I be intimate with someone new? My mind is still focused on my late spouse.
• But I am so lonely.

Your thoughts and feelings are completely normal. When you are first widowed, the grief is too raw for you to think about your sexuality. Once your need for companionship resurfaces, you may try to ignore it or even squash it. In your mind and heart you are still married to your late husband. Yet as time goes on you may feel even stronger about finding a new love.

In order to allow yourself to love again, here are a few things you need to deal with:

The mixed feelings

It is understandable to feel like you are betraying your beloved, especially if you had a happy relationship. These feelings may continue even when you have found someone with whom you want to create a new relationship. If you are able to accept that mixed feelings are normal, you will have a better time beginning to date after loss.

The desire to have another happy relationship

You may think you can only have one soul mate. You may have been taught this. Maybe you believe that the love you shared with your late husband only comes around once in a lifetime. You may also believe that no one can compare to your late spouse. The only one who can decide whether you can have another happy relationship is you.

If you desire to have a new relationship, understand that your new partner will be different than your late spouse. You may be drawn toward people who remind you of your late spouse, of course. If you are able to accept that what is similar is not the same in this new person, you will be in a better position to date again.

Take care of yourself as you prepare to find love after loss. For more tips and tools about finding love after losing your dear husband, go to http://fromlosstoloveagain.com. Become a member and post your comments to share with others about this topic today.

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